Nevertheless, its that time of the year when the wedding season begins. And leading the way is ex-best friend who is getting married the coming weekend. Suddenly there is pressure on yours truely to fly the miles pronto to Delhi and ”brighten” up his wedding ( ya his exact words) and yours truely has just joined a new organisation a week back and cant possibly start taking leaves yet! I guess I have to be try to be there for him else I shudder to think he may just end up wearing Pink on the D day

After spending a lazy afternoon at Aunt’s watching a horrendous reality show called ” Big Boss” and also getting my laundry done since the maid is on leave to attend a wedding ( see I told you the season has begun) when I got home I really wasnt in the mood to do any more reading today. I was in the mood to watch a movie on a soapy wedding. Serendipity was watched yesterday so why not get a couple of laughs and also get the tears rolling with Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses.

I watched the movie soon after it released in April 2008. One would think I have phenomenal memory to remember the date. I could have taken credit for it but then I do have an old blogpost on an old blog in O3 ( I used to blog there 2005-2008) dated around the same time to remind me why this movie was so special for me then. I must have seen the same movie several times over the past couple of years and it still remains one of my favourite of all times.

 I dunno if I think or write any different now but I still hope any girl who sees this movie today believes in love the way I did in 2008.. less cynicism and more hope for a happy ever after.  I laughed and shed a tear while watching the movie today ( yes I always cry in the last scene when she walks the aisle towards him) and I smiled while reading through the old blogpost.

….thought about sharing the same here too. A direct copy paste lies below.

I have been wanting to write this post for quiet sometime.. nothing dil se since dil se likhi baaton ko koi appreciate nahin karte … just another movie review .. sometime back I went for a chick flick .. 27 Dresses.. for all those who are thinking why did I waste Rs250 bucks on such a movie … I think it was worth it …

I went with a good old pal of mine and both of us had a good time discussing men-women relationship much to the chargin of a cute male sitting beside us ..( he came alone to see the movie .. )… I mean I was intensely discussing why I find the main lead cute and what part of his anatomy was cute ( dimples actually .. ha ha ..gotcha )… and this young man wasnt too happy with the noise we made.. so he politely asked me “ Ah.. I’ve come here to watch a movie…” and I was quick to reply back “ I dont see anyone else doing anything else anyway” … mean.;).. maybe .. but then cute guys are dangerous.. dont trust them… not even their soulful stares and I-would-promise-u-the-world looks… they never deliver..

Back to topic… 27 dresses is about this late twenties ( or was it early thirties?) girl .. who is a girl friday.. an amazing woman who can juggle between two wedding in one night .. and also manage to be the maid of honor of both the weddings… infact she has 27 bridesmaid dresses in her closet .. from classy to trashy to exciting and well even a a few kinky and wierd… 

Her troubles manifolded when she met this pesky journalist who observes her wierd transitions from a ballroom dress to an indian sari all through the fateful evening and wonders what is she upto ? … definitely God is playing a cruel joke on her … he turns out to be this amazing columnist from a wedding paper and duh he even writes her fav column “ commitments“ …( I swear she is typically me … beleiving in romantic shit despite everything ).. but then since he uses his avataar for writing ( definitely he wishes to do some serious work and not attend weddings and write about their stories)…

Guy mets girl.. guy finds an interesting story and makes a deal with his editor to dig up the dope behind the girl and her 27 dresses… befriends her and gets to know her well…. in the meantime .. we find the girl going through trouble… well in the name of her so meaty boss.. a handsome guy more perfect than my new red sleek sony vaio … and well she obviously has been in love with this guy since ages and the whole world knows about this but him ( Duh! he surely is a dud) … But Mr. Dud is not so Duddy .. ( sorry )…. he soon falls in love with her kid sister… a wanna be model … totally barbiesh ! … Barbie lies through everything to get Mr. Dud into her jaal ( typically like men lie through their teeths to get women into their jaal … ) and soon Mr. Dud and Miss Barbie are to get married … and our Betty is asked to be the bridesmaid for little sister…

Painful  … trying to be good friends with the person she loves is perhaps the most difficult things to do …. thank god atleast they werent lovers… imagine being best friends with someone u slept with ..of course that would be a man’s dream come true…….. anyway to the rescue comes the journo …they hit it off quiet good and even manage a night of passion stuck in some deluge …

but all is not well with Betty …. she is unable to take it anymore and doesnt want to be a pushover …. to make things hell she finds an article on her 27 dresses along with her embarassing pics ( her modelling them) on the wedding daily and realises it is her “friend“ who betrayed her…. she had enough of people taking her for granted and finally got bugged with her selfish sister and asked her to let Mr. Dud know about all the lies since a relationship should be based on trust and honesty etc etc etc.. Lil Sis asked her to buzz off… Betty gives her an ultimatum and finally on the day of the rehersal dinner Betty downed a few glasses of alcohol and just let loose all the angst inside her…

Uska nateeja yeh tha.. shaadi called off … Barbie hates her elder sister..journo friend unhappy since it was his editor boss who got hold of the story and printed it … and he suddenly realises that he loves her … ha ha …wierd way to know you love her… after hurting her…  anyway… time passes… and Betty and her Dad mends fences with Barbie and even her boss suddenly finds her beautiful….and they even kiss… just to be sure …about the chemistry … by then Betty is sure her Mr. Right is Mr. Journo and she makes a very filmi declaration of love in some arbit wedding Mr. Journo was covering …. phir kya? Happy Ever After .. with a dream wedding in the beach … I would love to get married on the beaches of Goa in a moonlight night…

The best thing about this movie… definitely the Hero … well am not saying because he was cute and he has amazing dimples… but the look in his eyes was so genuine… I mean u cant see love in anyone’s eyes nowdays … and he was actually reflecting the same on camera… ( maybe his Gf/Wife was around )…that made this movie so memorable for me … ( ha ha right …sucker for romance ..)..

. Anyway almost 4 in the evening and am listening to Shaan’s- Bhool Ja for the whole day … the lyrics of the song are damn good and so right ..I did learn that one should give your love to someone who appreciates it and treasures it ….“In ansoonon se kisko kya hua hansil……Jane kya soch kar tune de diya apna dil …“ ..

Enough! …

 Ps:  a cached link to my old blog here

http://o3.indiatimes.com/suddentwilight">http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://o3.indiatimes.com/suddentwilight

I chose to live in the city and this month I complete 1 year at my hostel . A year has passed by and in no other place do sleep peacefully than on my tiny single bed where me and my 2 pillows cannot coexist. I chose to be close to places a single woman in mumbai must have easy access to- safer means of commuting,  a good movie hall, a good supermarket / mall , a place for long walks ( Marine Drive for me) , good eating joints where eating alone isnt looked at with amusment and sympathy ( trust the indian mentality to do so) also a good bookstore to while away my time and friends.

I make do with a tiny table and a plastic chair and though I would kill for a better bookshelf and cupboard space for my clothes and shoes and for the room currently occupied by another girl I think I have learnt to adjust really well here.

I can supress my earthshattering screams now when the big fat rat makes an appearance at night hunting for leftovers . I am also unmindful of the water seepage from the walls of the room and nudge my books away from the edges to avoid the dampness. I have also forgiven the person who broke the whistle of my then brand new pressure cooker and didnt go behind the the girl who stole my food with deadly laxatives and chemical dye to catch her redhanded.

I can listen to the maid’s paranoia about being followed and hunted down by men in black everyday and dial her son’s number on her cellphone number without looking at her soiled diary everytime. I know the old farties ( women included) across the road in  the other building love to secretly check out us girls when we come out of the shower in towels but till date we are glad we havent given them any chances of getting a heart attack. The towels havent dropped, no Sir, not once.

I know the watchman will open the gate anytime of the night for you without a grudge if you smile at him whenever you make eye contact and also treat him like a human being. I never had to grease his palms unlike the other girls till today and he always carries my bags up till the 3rd floor and helps me close the gate. Being kind and considerate is always a #win over being bitchy and a snob.

The found out that the best food delivery hotel in the area is the one where the person picking up the phone is courteous to you even if all you are ordering is a plateful of rice and dal.

I know now that keeping the speaker volume down isnt always the best thing . You need to return the early morning noise pollution from the next door neighbours with some of your own late into the night.

I have learnt to keep the peanut butter, bottle of wine, beer, eggs in my room unless i wanted to see the empty bottles &  shells at the sink in the morning. Infact I stopped buying peanut butter.

Making a call to the ISP once a month is mandatory else the 1MBPS internet connection will not work as smoothly. Just a casual hi to remind them to do their job.

The hostel guardian doesnt allow televisions inside the hostel but it is very imperative to ensure one stays entertained and well informed. High Speed Internet and access to free music/video sites helps. Also endless episodes of Sex and the City and Coupling. This also helps during hostel parties and hilarious dance sessions as youtube gives quick access to cheesy 80/90s hindi film videos (Sunny Deol ‘s ziddi being an all time favourite ).

Women bond of gossip and wine and keeping a ready stock of wine/rum in the room and wasabi peas ensures everyone converges in your room for the end of the day chit chat and male bashing/gossip sessions which will someday be the highlight of a long and tired day at work.

Cooking together makes you learn that dil, garlic, water and salt makes for very good clear soup and sometimes pureed brinjal and chicken does takes tasty. Of course it makes you feel like a queen when your lame excuse for cooking is appreciated by the PGmates as “wow” food not to forget the ocassional haldi, salt and oil that one needs to borrow once in a while.

Living alone for the past 1 year has been fun and had its moments when you find there was nobody in the hostel on a friday night when you are the only one who has to sleep on time to get to work on a saturday. However the girls around me today form my support system so much so that when I am down with fever I can tell one of them to check on me and keep the door open while I sleep.

 I am not sure if I would continue in the same place for another year but even if I do, I know everytime I pass the place I would always look up fondly at another place I called home.

For the time being.

I saw pride glister as tears in my mother’s eyes as I walked down the auditorium steps with my PGDM diploma. She came all the way from Meghalaya to attend my convocation despite her bad leg. It meant a lot to me and I know she wanted to be there too. She was filling in for Dad, he left us in 2001. After the ceremony we hugged and cried and all she could say between her sobs was ‘Your father will be proud of you today. He would have wanted to be here’. I looked up and asked her ‘what about you?’ She just smiled through her tears. That was my mother.

I have always thought I was my father’s daughter. Pampered and praised at all times, I was the apple of his eye, his “mamoni” ( a bong word of endearment).And it was very difficult for me to come to terms with his death. I still haven’t. I used to feel after he was gone that I am practically alone in this world. Mom was around but her favorite was my younger brother and we always had a lot of differences in opinion.

I would always be vocal about how different I am from her and deny the uncanny resemblances we share. I look like her, have similar temperaments and the same streak of independence. I was jealous of her attention towards my sibling. I became a rebel. Painted my nails black, wore clothes she hated, fought constantly with her over issues ranging from my hairstyle to boys to my acute abhorrence for household chores. I wanted her attention.

Today she isn’t with us either and I find it difficult to come to terms with the loss. I am still trying to live up to her few golden rules of life.

 The first I learnt when I was in Lower Kindergarten. I drew a sun with blazing rays where I was supposed to draw an egg in a haystack and failed my drawing test. I came home crying, hurt by jibes from classmates on my masterpiece. Mom heard me out patiently and said ‘Every one of us has weaknesses we are not proud of. Working on this weakness and making it your biggest strength is the mark of an achiever’ I got back to drawing with a vengeance and a few years down the line I won the district level painting competition beating some of the best talents and surprising everyone but her. She just smiled.

 I learnt the second rule when Dad passed away. I saw her as the strong woman that she was and my admiration and respect for her increased manifold. Right from taking care of his last rites to setting us back on track she was the rock of Gibraltar. She told me later that she got her strength from her conversations with Dad every night. She said ‘adversities and challenges will try to break you down from time to time. Drawing strength from your good times will help you realize how blessed you are and energize you with hopes of better times’.

She put away Dad’s savings in safe deposits and being the entrepreneurial woman that she was she dabbled in several business ventures, right from turning her garden into a nursery, to running a shop of gift items in the local super market to working as a lecturer in 2 colleges she did everything to maintain our standard of living as well as fund our education. All along we didn’t realize the money we received as our pocket money was from her monthly earnings and not what Dad left us. That remained untouched till the end.

 Mom was injured during the unfortunate Police Firing on innocent protestors on Sept 30^th (2005) at Tura Chandmari Ground which left her with a sprained leg that never healed. In the months that followed she took up the baton for human rights and became an active member of the 30^th Sept Solidarity forum. Right from meeting politicians to arranging rallys, TV recordings to fighting for the victims claims she was running around, still in her crutches.When I asked her why she is getting involved she said ‘All through the golden years of my life I was busy being a daughter, good wife, mother. Today I wish to be a good human being and fight for the right cause. I am also an individual and need to live up to my other expectations’.

Today she is remembered at every Solidarity Forum gathering and our hearts fill with pride when people come up to us and talk about all that she has done for them. From her I learnt that no matter what role I play in life now or later on I still have another role I should live up to- my identity as a woman, an individual.

Today as I go about my life, flirting from one role to the other I remember this is another part I need to play the way she did, with grace and élan. I wasn’t a great daughter but someday I wanna be a great mother- almost like her and an equally wonderful wife. Today I flirt with my destiny in trying to live up to my identity which starts from living up to my surname first. I have a big shoe to fill.

Today I wonder how much of a social animal am I?

All I could come up with were random percentage parameters. And even then it was difficult to quantify if I was 50% social or 80% and how do I calculate where I stand on the scale. There are times when I am a recluse and would like to simply curl up with myself rather than talk to anyone and then there are days when I cannot get enough of people. If being active on Facebook, Twitter, Orkut a parameter for being a social animal then perhaps I am one of them. I have often felt I am more social online then one would find me offline. Being a social person comes naturally to me when I log on to the WWW. Perhaps a lot can be contributed to my hectic work hours and 6 days of working that beyond the usual time I spend in front of the computer I rarely find enough inclination to socialize beyond it.

 I have always been inclined towards people. I get along well with people; am good at being diplomatic even with my enemies and usually have never found myself alone among strangers. When I was a school going girl I used to write letters to unknown pen pals across the globe and used to enjoy sharing each others lives at least in spirit. With the advent of the WWW things got simpler than postage stamps and it barely took much more than a few clicks here and there to make online friends. Yes I do have a set of online pals with whom over the past few years I have either lost touch and they have remained as just glowing icons on my yahoo messenger or I have connected with offline and become a part of my life.

When yahoo chat was the in thing in college I and a bunch of friends would spend hours online chatting up males and generally having some good fun online- the taste of the forbidden fruit indeed was very alluring since it wasn’t a done thing then! There has been a time when we even had to change our cell phone numbers to avoid a few pricks and those were such learning experiences on trust.  I have fallen in love online and never regretted that. As I grew up and moved to my present occupation networking –social and professional became a part of my work profile. Being in HR ain’t very easy if one is reclusive and I am a blessed extrovert. I am still in touch with my childhood friends, engineering friends and knew everyone at my MBA college (seniors/juniors & batch mates).  

My first social networking site is Orkut and I was introduced to it when I was doing my MBA at IIMK. The whole world and more I knew were hooked onto the site and so was I. Was fun, interesting and new and I did add a few random people. As I moved out of college into professional life I joined Linkedin to stay connected to like minded professionals. It was a breakup that introduced me to Facebook. I was told it was a fun place to hang out on. That was 2007 and I think I haven’t yet got bored of Facebook. I have made a lot of friends through Facebook and have found a new lease of life through the site. Photography which is adds meaning to my life today found new meaning on Facebook then. It helped me connect to professionals as well as amateurs and gave me a medium to have my work appreciated by a lot more people that it would have been possible otherwise. Though I was on Flickr I was pushed into the limelight after I connected with the right professionals through Facebook.

I wouldn’t have called Flickr a social networking site since the basic idea behind the interface is to share images online and not exactly network but today I correct myself. Starting an online/offline photography club in Mumbai called Mumbai Weekend Shoot on Flickr did help me meet a lot of like minded photographers and make life long friends in the process. I met amateurs, hobbyists and a few professionals and have picked up skills and admired their work on the site.

If I track my social interactions for a day I would say I do log into twitter first thing when at work and clear out my Facebook notifications along with checking out my Flickr account. This and of course Gmail has been a part of my daily “TO-DO” list for quite sometime now. Once works done I could meet up friends for dinner or coffee or movie. Parties are limited to Saturday Nights and Tweet ups, Alumni nights, HR Meets, Photoshoots, Exhibitions and my Sunday Morning Breakfast Club meets are a definitely must MUST –DOs! Sundays are kept for meeting up with likeminded photographers and shooting in the morning, followed by breakfast (SMBC) with a movie later. There are times when impromptu shopping sprees do take place sometimes with a few friends and sometimes alone. Till sometime back I used to fuss about not going alone for shopping or a movie but I guess am over that now. Baring these few activities I do tend to meet up everyone back home when I go for my annual visits and visiting relatives and friends are a priority then.

 I do segregate my friend list into different categories – best friends, close friends, friends, school, college, IIMK, acquaintances, online friends, I have not met, professional contacts, photographers, twitter etc. Since I am connect to 1000+ people on Facebook it makes it a little easier for me to manage the lists. I am pretty much the same person to everyone barring the ‘I have not met’ list of people since I would rather be a little less open with people I don’t know. It goes without saying only a few of these people are on my phone contact list.

The best medium to be in touch with most of the people on the list is through Facebook chat with a select few on my Gmail/Yahoo and then a filtered few on my Phone Contact List. I somehow don’t feel I am one of the ‘pick up the phone’ for a random chat person. I rarely make calls to catch up… I would simply send a sms or catch someone online- a less intrusive medium and then perhaps meeting for a drink or so later in the week. But I do spend hours on calls with friends when they call me up. This for those I cannot meet. Definitely a sms works most times for me when in a hurry. For those who I can I am often catching up over breakfast, coffee or dinner and the topics could be as varied as the latest development in HR ( professional contacts), to photography tricks and tips ( photographers), to regular updates and business discussions ( batch mates) and gossips (friends) and random stuffs ( tweet ups ) .

 Thirty years of existence..

I moved from mingling in my school, family circles to the safer domains of batch mates and then colleagues and then strangers ( not under compulsion of course). Today I may not know the next person sitting beside me on my long commute home but I know a smile and quick question on the weather or the book he/she is reading can strike up a conversation. I also know one disinterested look will ensure I am not disturbed when I am spending some quality time with a book or simply staring out of the window at nothingness. It is surprising how at ease I feel in a crowd and how easy it is for me to be a part of the teeming millions. Do I feel pressurized to be socially active all the time?

Perhaps not much since I realised the blackberry, internet can be switched off anytime I want and I would still have my world running as smoothly. I have none but one deduction today.

I am human. Hence I am social.

Blind Beggars singing soulfully in the train …gave them some money and asked them to sing a bit more … dunno what they were singing but it sounded so peaceful ..

Peace.

Is that what I crave most these days?

A few days back I thought I wanted the old excitement in life.

 Yesterday I realised I am too old for excitement back in life .. the kind I sought out in my twenties …

Thirties have changed me ..

I think, I plan , and I am quick to realise I should let go when I see things not working out. In the twenties maybe I would have carried romantic notions on things falling in place eventually, in my thirties I carry ruthless surity and an equally calculating heart that always analyses situations, people and makes a quick decision… I maybe wrong several times but I wouldn’t waste time ..its just too precious now.
I hurt today …having ended something that was giving me a lot of happiness lately ..
I am numb but strangely the pain doesn’t matter .. Have learnt to distract myself from it -
Avoid the situation/person ,get busy with books, photography, movies, friends, walks .. the works..
Plenty to do …plenty more I can think of ..
Regret?

Too many in life to complain of this …. But wish it had happened in another timeframe .. Maybe when I was younger and more generous with myself…my time …and less sure of my expectations ..
Maybe then ..this could have worked .. Secretly I wished it had ….the date on my watch denies me the pleasure of wishing today ..
Too old for fairy god mothers and genie in the bottles (oh wait was that a lamp ?) 

did I really beleive in them a couple of years back?

First Date: The Sinking Titanic

I had my first date when I was in my second year of engineering. And I still remember that day vividly. Oh the early mistakes of adolescence haunt you forever. I was hugely into online chatting. It was a novelty, required less investment of time and money and was fun. So why not! Those days even creating an email account used to give me such a high. So here was I, online on hotmail with this guy chatting for precisely 1 week. He is 7 years older to me. A decent guy, running his own business and boring. My vacations were round the corner and I had a stop over at his city to meet a few relatives before proceeding for home. He wanted to meet me but I wasn’t all that keen. I mean I wasn’t exactly looking for a boyfriend since I was only in my 2nd year of engineering and really not much interested in getting involved so early. I knew when I said yes to his request it was more of a desire to have some forbidden fun. Or rather my best friend wanted to eat at a fancy place but being students we didn’t have money so she cajoled me go along with it. Of course she was with me. Atleast both of us can have some good food and if he turns out as boring as he sounded we will have each other to while away our time. First impression-Skinny! Second- Are those wrinkle lines! Third: Nevermind! He was not only boring but weird. My friend ordered pizza and coke and silently slipped off to the next table to give us some “quality time” to talk. That B**** obviously was enjoying my discomfort. Once she had her needs taken care of I was left to fend for myself. Nursing my coke I could manage some bland answers to his equally bland questions when suddenly he blurted “I really like you and would like to marry you” I choked on my coke literally. What the F*** did I get myself into. I am sitting across a weirdo who just met me a week back and is now completely smitten by me? Get me the mirror people? Did I really miss the next Miss India or Universe the last time I checked myself in the mirror? “You have amazing eyes and hair” Yes, a gift from my mother I mumbled. “ I like the blend of traditionalism and modernity that you exude” Did he come from the stone age where women rarely wore pants or opened their mouths to not only eat but also to talk. I knew I had to flee. Forget the pizza wasn’t here yet. I could very well see him shuffling on his seat and ready to go down on his knees if I even fluttered a no. I signaled my Best Buddy to save me. She was too busy chatting up with another guy in the next table. Damn B****! She got me into this. I excuse myself to the washroom and frantically gestured her to follow me. Once inside I narrated the entire conversation and there she was rolling on the floor laughing her fat a*** off! Save me! I pleaded a pizza treat. Those days I didn’t have a cell phone but she did. Quickly we launched into a plan to have a friend call her exactly in 10 minutes and we would pretend that my uncle had asked us to come home immediately cause it was getting late. I fixed up my hair and with a beaming smile went back to the table. All along the way I could feel his eyes on me. Gosh hope he didn’t have X-ray visions. I would kill myself even if I feature in his wet dreams. I was nauseous even thinking of that possibility. Hold on! It will be over soon I assured myself. ‘I read you post on being a commitment phobic singleton’ That was one of my close friends on the phone. I haven’t spoken to her for more than 6 months and I guess the post triggered her to give me a call and find out what’s wrong with this girl. I really can’t blame her. Having a bf is a full time job by itself and a possessive one is like the cherry on the top. Even newborns don’t give you so much teething problems as a new relationship does. Trust me, I can just write a thesis on this subject. Coming back to her she confessed she) buthasn’t been giving me enough time (I didn’t know we were going around she was worried about my state of mind. I assured her I was doing great and was actually enjoying my single status, in fact more than I ever did since I started dating! That word was the trigger which could possible be the sole reason for my mobile bills overshooting my credit limit. ‘Are you dating?’ She asked. I gave a non committal answer. Persistence thy name is my best friend. ‘Tell me how many men have you dated lately’ I panicked! I could actually count the numbers on my one hand without bothering counting my thumb ‘ You know how I hate that word babe’ I don’t hate that word but defense is the best offense during such times. ‘Plus in India dating is not such a popular concept. I mean you met a bunch of weirdos who are all out for some TP.’ I have had such weird experiences on dates that I really think twice (sometimes thrice) before going on one. My bfs have been my close friends and I never really dated them. The men I dated turned out to be weirdos or despos or chipkus or stickers etc. so coming back to her and me. We spend an hour or more discussing the various dates I had been on and their outcomes and suddenly I realized irritating though these failed dates were I can look back and laugh over a couple of them now. Not that I never had a perfect date but then it was not necessarily with the perfect man. By far my first date has been the worst and I never recovered from its aftereffects. Here is an account of the maha event right from the horse’s (mare’s) mouth. Back to his sweet nothing which were increasing becoming suggestive I counted each and every nano seconds to the 10 minutes. The phone rang! She made the right distressed expression on her face. Rushed to inform me my Uncle was furious. I quickly slipped into my role. Made all the reluctant sounds and noises and rushed out. I swear it was so difficult while I was dancing with glee inside. Sigh my dramatics skills did help…. (Total nautanki hai hum!) Once in the cab, I punched my friend and warned her not to repeat the act next time! She made a somber face and apologized and suddenly we two were laughing out respective ample asses off! I can never forget that day. Memories are so vivid even after a decade. And we still pull each others legs over the same… About the guy.. He was permanently added to my ignore list.. After that incident I was careful about who I date. I would rather meet someone as a friend and see where the conversation continues. This way I do not need to tolerate weirdos…Nor do I raise any expectations from people and well I make great friends!!

The Sinking Titanic will definitely be a chapter in my life that I can’t forget…..

‘I think you have commitment phobia’ Pam was so sure she was making the right statement she blinked her kohl eyed peepers twice to lay emphasis on her words. I was just about to take my second morsel when I was stunned into attention. ‘Come again? What?’ I guess my frog eyes nearly popped out of their sockets in shock. For the next minute there was general disagreement and agreement on whether I had commitment issues and I was a silent spectator to it. While Maya nodded her agreement with Pam, Sheebs slowly and thoughtfully decided against it and Monu was clueless as to what led to the discussion and where was she when all the juicy details were discussed at the lunch table.

‘Duh, ooo yeah? Remember I was the ‘unsuitable’ one who got dumped by my previous boyfriend(s)‘ There I was making a point here. Though it sounds positively depressing for my massive ego but I think I take extreme pleasure in being the drama queen and take pride in talking about how I was the one who got dumped. Of course the sympathies help every time.

‘True you got dumped. But were you not setting yourself up for it’ Foul play Pam. I am in unknown territory here when Pam speaks with such conviction. ‘Of course not. I tried everything to save my relationship! You were privy to the last one at least. He dumped me and I don’t even know why!’ I was hurt. How could she say something like that? Wasn’t she the one handing over the tissues paper in the wash room during the breakup phase? Wasn’t she the one shedding tears with me when I was flooding the place every lunch hour!

I did a mental flashback of my previous relationship and ticked against a invisible check list of all dos and don’ts of keeping a relationship and totalled my score against the same. Of course I score high. Haven’t I been the perfect girlfriend? I mean I didn’t even scream murder when I found my EX EX leaving his female ‘good friends’ MISS YOU scraps for the whole Orkut community to see! Oh I was a damn good girl and maybe world class stupid! And my EX still owns me a lot of money ( ya after 1.5 years) which I shall probably never see anymore!

‘Yes baby you were perfect. Maybe even worth a medallion for the months of torture you endured at his hand. But I would still say you were setting yourself up for all the hurt. ‘ She lost me here. Pam is my surrogate mother in office and I affectionately call her Ma. She is a fellow Taurean and a very strong woman. And ever since she has started seeking the paths of Moksha (sorry babes I had to take the jibe here) through Art of Living she has been dolling out pearls of wisdom to her beti i.e. me -the prodigal daughter.

‘But how? If I was why wasn’t I aware of it’ I was perplexed here. I don’t make mistakes knowingly. I am a borderline fanatic in these respects. I cannot be dumb enough to set myself up for heartache.

Pam moved her chair closer and all of us huddled in to hear what she has to say. ‘You are not aware of it because you don’t do it knowingly.’ Eureka! I just discovered I wasn’t at fault for my failed relationships. Pam was still serious when she blurted ‘ You just make the mistake of picking the wrong guy every time’ I rolled my eyes and poured myself a glass of water before speaking ‘ Every guy is a Mr. Wrong if he hasn’t put the wedding band on your finger yet! And seriously tell me which guy is a Right one today? It’s never Mr. Right, it’s always Mr. Right now’ I smirked after dolling out my pearls of wisdom. I knew Cosmopolitan has lot of articles on this Mr Right crap and I also remembered some starlet quoting the same lines in  a Page 3 daily.

‘Your Mr. Right is Mr Wrong because you always go for someone who is unavailable.’ Score Pam. That was an amazing piece of insight into my relationships. ‘Of course not! They were not seeing anyone’ I was not buying into her theory as yet.’ ‘Getting me wrong here honey. By ”Unavailable” I didn’t mean you went after guys with girlfriends but I merely meant you fall for guys who you knew were not exactly commitment material. ‘I have heard about good girls falling for bad guys but I didn’t know my friends think I am one of those. Seriously I have no intentions of changing any rake into a haloed angel. Neither do I have any patience  to wait for a boy to grow up into a man. Like i make it very evident with my facial expressions that I have a very low tolerance level for bad jokes and yes stupidity. Harsh? Of course I can be. I have met enough such specimens who can chatter away to self adorned glory and yet remain clueless that their date is bored to death.

Sigh. But I guess Pam had a point. I do like challenging men. Honestly, I don’t like ‘good’ men , boy, guy etc.  I mean who wishes to date saints anyway when I am not one. And even if I was one I would definitely want a tad bit of spice in life.. Spice here definitely doesn’t mean I fall for men who have been ‘around’ but I like no man who pretends he hasn’t been around too many women and tries to emphasise that you are the first and of course the last one to come in his life. And I guess age is catching up on me. I no more think like a teenager in the first flush of puppy love and neither do I expect men of my age ( in and around) to behave like women are aliens from outer space. Sometimes you feel like asking them- ‘ Where the hell have you been when women’s liberation and bra burning was the breaking news with your morning cup of coffee? ‘

I did confess this to my pals around the lunch table and thank god for my like minded friends it did go down well with them. Before I could safely conclude this was an end to the discussion about my nonexistent/dormant love life and I could postpone the discussion on my commitment phobia…M suddenly sprang another surprise on me.

Very thoughtfully and pecking at her food she said ‘ I think you are scared’ Googly! Ok I have commitment phobia which I wasn’t able to digest with my vindaloo and poi and now I am supposedly scared. ‘I am not scared babe’ I fear darkness, water, fires, heights and creepy crawlies but that’s all that comes under my Fear Factor Quotient. I will not go down with this accusation. ‘Of course not! I don’t fear men. ‘. ‘Uff, you always jump to conclusions. I said you are scared of falling in love again. Maybe after your experiences you fell the next one would fail too. There is no rationale to it and obviously you never think nor talk rationally but I think like me you too fear falling in love again’ Oh I love that smug look on her face. She definitely got me there. Not because I found this particular phrase new. In fact the same morning Shash told me the same thing more or less in a different context. According to the EX I am scared myself. In both their point of views I am a coward. Please NOTE I have acknowledged it. I know it would take superman on his knees to propose to me to even get the permission to hold my hand. I am scared of the pain that comes with a heartache and I swear the next man to break my heart will get a few broken bones too.

The next 10 minutes went on discussing why I do what I do and why I think what I think and why I should change the way I think and why changing the way I think will change things in my life and why I don’t listen to my friends and why am I such a stubborn ass of a female who everyone loves ( I added this extra line) . And well I was somehow left to ponder on things they told me. Am I really commitment phobic? Come to think of it I have always wanted to settle down and get married and rear 2 naughty kids and well plan the decor of my house with my brand new hubby etc. How could I be commitment phobic? What if Pam is right? What if I normally fall for men who are unavailable (in her terms). I mean I knew S’s family was very conservative and will not agree to our marriage and yet I fell for him. What did I think? That he would defy his mom’s wishes and marry me like they do in bad C grade Hindi movies? Gosh how old was I?

And then there was this blockbuster disaster who was even younger to me by a couple of years. I mean did I honestly think he will evidently commit and sweep me off my feet? Seriously it would have been easier for S & I but never the loser and I. Even if i just ignore the age gap I think I disliked his selfish streak. I don’t remember a day when he was really giving to me. And I easily put up with all that nonsense for love. Man I did demean the word love then.

Man somehow I feel she is right! I do fall for men who are not available to me! Why do I keep on doing it? I have been independent most of life and I am a spade call spade person who really never cared much about anything else other than her books while she was a teenager. Am I scared of losing my independence? I dunno it’s such an uncanny resemblance to a few of my pals. All women – Young (I haven’t crossed my expiry date yet you know), Beautiful, Successful and yes all Single (YBSS). We always crib over weekend drinks about how we fall for the wrong type of guys and well quote our famous line ‘ all eligible men are either engaged, married or gay’. Trust me martinis and cosmopolitans make great companions on Saturday nights. Why can’t we meet men like us – YHSS (H= Handsome). But then wicked thoughts strike us. Maybe the YHSS hang out with women who think they are God gifts to womanhood and would rather enthral their audience with stories about their conquests and achievement rather than envy a fellow female YBSS.

A very enjoyable 1 hour lunch later I was convinced that definitely I am a tad bit commitment phobic. Maybe I am still awaiting my Mr Right who has just taken a wrong turn and lost is way and yes being typically male is too stubborn to ask for directions. I m a risk averse person who likes to plan things out to the last detail. In the man-women game even if I like someone immensely I would rather pull back if I feel things would not lead anywhere. I hate seeing locked doors since I always lose keys in my bags. If I love someone I would rather not tell him and keep it all inside and never tell if he never opens up. I know nobody can read minds and I cannot expect a man to understand what I am trying to say with my silence but then I would expect him to read my eyes which even today haven’t learnt the art of lying.

 After such heavy duty thought churning I am still stuck with one question: 

Where are all the ‘available’ men ???

Cold, brooding, loner- He is the type who would probably thrive in the  darkness even when you are not noticing. Intelligent , arrogant and cunning, he wouldnt want to get close to anyone least he gets hurt. Notorious in the city for his inability to hold a long relationship he is the player her mom has warned her against and she would want to spend a clandestine night with.

Emotionally cold and unavailable.

Exactly the sort she normally falls for. She love the Batmans of the world. Like a moth she is relentlessly pulled towards the flame that knowingly will consume her and leave her shattered. A fatal attraction.

The lure of the cad is too much to resist. The suave, mysterious man who effortless become the center of all attraction wherever he goes and have the rest of the women swoon and  flock to him cannot understand why she wouldnt fall at his feet.

She pines for him and does not show and that flames his interest further in her. The chase of course is far more exciting than the conquest.  

Target Locked.

 He woes her with verbal tussle and there is always good amount of palpitable sexual tension between the two. Both dont concede. Egos at play. The chase heightens till he knows he has to use his final weapon. He knows she needs the one illusive word – LOVE.

Game over.

She didnt know what hit her. It was over in a flash. She’s left broken and wiser ( or so she thinks ) till she meets another Batman. And the ball starts rolling again.

SUPERMAN FOREVER:

Old fashioned, good guy, willing to go the extra distance for her and always around to hold her hand to help cross the road. He will spend time playing with her niece and share a laugh with her grandma. Intelligent yet modest, he would leave his car and travel with her in the bus just so he can spend time with her. Brought up with good , down to earth values he is fair and compassionate and believes in giving more than receiving.

He would wait patiently for her to finish her work and would probably be the the first to say sorry. Love her, cherish her, lay the world is at her feet. Her best friend who would never tell her he loves her and wait patiently for her to notice him.

She wouldnt, she couldnt, her heart still pining for the cad she brushes past him . She takes the flowers offered and smiles half heartedly at him.

Good guy she think. Why is he still single? Anyone would be happy with him. He’s got so much to give but why isnt he in love? Oh if only Batman were like him.

Her smile makes his day and he walks away thinking ‘ … perhaps tomorrow I shall tell her. She has been hurt. I can protect her. Yes tomorrow … cant wait.. shall I get her chocolates? What if she refuses.. should wait a little more… not tomorrow ..no ‘ . Till another day …

Writer:

Both men have experienced loss at a every early age. While one decides to grow into the sunshine the other embraced darkness around him. Both superheros with their own flaws. Both striving for the good of their society but battling their own inner issues. Batman cannot let anyone close least he gets hurt again. He loves to be shrouded in the avatar of a rich, playboy who is the darling of Gotham city. Superman  would rather be the common man and not draw attention towards himself. He is not confident of himself while in his true self and hence never really could tell the love of his life about his feelings. There is nothing wrong with these men except for their outlook towards relationships and particularly women.
Its the batmans of the world that  most women find themselves attracted to. Typical of being a woman. She loves a challenge. Reforming a cad has always been a challenge a woman over centuries has fallen for . Several periodic novels have pages after pages on love between the cad and the fiesty woman in his life whom he ultimately succumbs to. But there would always be a string of broken hearts along the way. While a superman would be Mr FIX IT for the love of his life and she wouldnt know, he wouldnt be the one to sweep her off her feet ( like she would want to be) because he is more cautious of his heart as well as hers. He knows she is the one for him but she is unaware most times and would probably be looking at the Batman in her neighbourhood to provide her the excitement she wants and totally ignore the man who is perhaps the Mr RIGHT she has been looking for through her life.

Ironic but  Superman has to learn to speak his heart soon or else the Batmans will take over.